Sweet Pea

Recently I was chatting with one of my married-with-no-kids friends. We were talking about our lives--work, husbands, etc., and inevitably the talk turned to Meg and motherhood. Wanting to have children of her own soon, with great anticipation and twinkling stars in her eyes, she asked: "So, do you just love being a mom?"

I hesitated for a moment, and then mumbled something about it being great but hard. I'm actually not sure what I said in the few minutes that followed, and I felt guilty for not giving a hearty response to the question. I felt guilty for not saying, "Yes! It's the greatest thing in the world! I'm happier than I'd ever imagined that I could be! My life is complete! Every day is like a sparkly rainbow of goodness!" 

Aren't those things that a good mom should say? Granted, at the time I was sleep deprived, and had severe mommy brain, but I wasn't sure whether to be disappointed in myself to give myself a reassuring hug. The question kept rattling around in my head until the other day, when I realized the answer I'd meant to give. 

What I should have said is no, I don't love being a mom. I don't love waking up early to feed a crying baby or changing diapers or giving endless feedings or being trapped inside the house for 23 hours of the day. I long for the days when I could eat a meal in peace and use two hands instead of one to do the laundry. I miss having the luxury of wondering what I want to do today. Of being able to walk the aisles of Target without making silly faces every few seconds to keep baby entertained. There are a lots of things I don't love, and I'm sure that list will grow as she grows.

But here's the kicker: I love being Meg's mom. I cannot get enough of her soft mushy cheeks and her cackly baby laugh. Her cry pops me right out of the deepest sleep and I'm there for whatever she needs. I do all those things that need to be done because she needs them. I enjoy being there for her. I could look at her and talk to her all day long. I feel blessed to be her mom, even though she has completely changed my life. Not to mention that she's the cutest and smartest and most adorable baby I've ever seen. Seriously. Seriously.

Soundtrack: Amos Lee, "Sweet Pea"

PS -- I've changed the player on the right so that it doesn't automatically play music when it opens. It was getting on my nerves. :) You have to hit play to hear the tunes.